I spent a couple hours going through 2 boxes of papers yesterday. This was a very random assortment of stuff—calendars I saved because they have cute things the kids said scribbled on them, or their heights and weights at a certain age, old journals of mine, a few sweet letters and cards from my husband, lots of stuff I no longer needed and there were pictures the kids had drawn. Seeing the kids drawing was so cute and finding little things they’re said like—
“I want Jesus to give me a guitar, no three guitars and He can get more.”
“Here’s a picture of Daddy with a pear and another pear and an apple and a banana and a pizza and a bagel…”
“Mommy told me we are going to have a new baby. I hope it’s a girl. Babies are such a cute little nature”
“Every girl I see is a beautiful graceful angel floating above heaven,
And boys are handsome
And I love them even if they’re rude”
So that’s always fun and nostalgic to go through and we had some good laughs. I took 2 trash bags of paper to the recycling. Not sure why I saved some of that stuff! I guess now with the internet I don’t have to rip recipes and craft ideas our of magazines with the intention of using them someday.
I realized that a season of life with little kids has passed. I’m handing down my “preschool ideas” to my sister. We heard yesterday that the boys we wanted to adopt will most likely be going to a relative who can take all four. I was disappointed for us, but it sounds good for them and we’ll see what the future has for us in that way. In the mean time I intend to fully enjoy this “big kid” season.
There’s a part of looking back over the past that is so bittersweet. I read my journals and see how different I was, but how the same I still am. I pile up all these ideas that I just never did, articles I never read, recipes I never made, inspirations I never put into practice. I think of that quote’ life is what happens while you’re making other plans’. Oh the many times I have resolved to do better, the expectations I have had. I can see those “failings” piled up like papers on the floor and be discouraged, but then I stop and think of life as it really has been and the pile of “joys”,the precious times, the grace of God and the love in our family and its so much bigger. I’m ok with not having “done everything” if I’ve traded that for building relationships and the things that can’t be measured.