Our Family Grows!

R- age seven Easter 2011

“I won’t ask for ice cream tonight, because tomorrow is an ice cream day”

“Why would that be?”

“Because tomorrow this will be my family for four months.”

A happy day to celebrate, and any excuse to have ice cream!

Four months and many times I do wish I had written more here, but there’s just so much to say… some feelings too big for words, some days too hard to want anyone to see, some details too small without a big picture update….and the hours just full, full, full of living.

Like anytime you add to your family, the first months are an adjustment. Scott and I don’t always get the time to talk like we would like to, but we’ll catch each other’s eye and smile over the kid’s heads and I think we are right where we want to be with what’s important to us. I love them all so much and growing to love our new son has been quite an adventure.

Here is a bit I wrote to family and friends on Day One:

We had a good drive to (the town), beautiful snow and lakes. We got settled in our hotel, met with R's caseworker, and then went to meet him. My first thought was that he was smaller than I expected (and even cuter!). He had a decorated shirt from his school celebration today, so we talked about that for a while. We spent time looking through our photo book with him. He's very excited to meet his big brothers and sisters and kept looking at their Karate picture. We saw his room and went outside with a basketball for a while, then we went out for pizza (his birthday dinner

choice-- yes, he turned 7 today!) After dinner we gave him birthday gifts-- a Toy story dinosaur, a Bible story book and a Mohawk hat knit by Jessamyn.

We met a few of the relatives throughout the day and his foster brothers who were very friendly.

Tomorrow we'll take him to school and meet with his teachers and have dinner with his "grandparents" who have adopted his 1/2 siblings. Friday we have an appointment with his counselor, may meet another sibling, more caseworker meetings and, of course, some swimming at the hotel!

Everything's gone really well so far. He's so excited and talked non-stop to us. Giggles, dimples and we got a hug before bed...

And a few days later :

Things I’ve learned about R: he loves to help cook, wrestle with dad and brother, stories at night, loves all the dogs  we see at the park and really wants one, is excited every time we see a squirrel, “wishes” for lots of things in the store, keeps his room really clean, and likes to do everything for himself. He’s been very generous with hugs and giggles

About a month later:

R is doing really well. We are enjoying him so much as we see him relax and show his lively personality more and more. He loves his siblings and cousins and is making friends fast. He’s just started swimming with no help and we play outside a lot. We’ve now get everything set up with Drs. dentists, a counselor who’s helping us talk about “feelings” (of which he has a lot sometimes—esp. anger) and speech therapy, in which he continues to improve, both in pronunciation and using the right words.

R is in a charter school. He attends a couple classes a week and has an hour long one on one meeting with his supervising teacher each week. She’s great and I teach him at home too—lots of hands on activities and breaks to avoid frustration. We will continue to work at home a little , esp. on reading, throughout the summer.

Three months:

R  is continuing to get more settled and doing really well. We are continuing to learn every day, and the more we do, the better we can love him and help him . What I am not concerned about is our ability to “attach” to each other—he is definitely bonding with us and that is the most important thing and what  people worry about going into an adoption. I’m finding that the more we build a good relationship, the easier it is to help him with his feelings and behaviors—I knew that in my head, but I’m figuring out how to actually work on it every day. It’s kind of backwards from what I naturally want to do sometimes. He is a great boy…

He had a tooth pulled and just needs one more filling—glad to have that almost done. He has also grown a half inch since he got here—measured in the 50^th percentile for height and 30^th for weight. We continue to see the counselor almost every week. Speech therapy ended last week with a little party in class. Sadly his teacher lost her job in the budget cuts, so he will have a new one next year. Yesterday was pizza and bowling with Sunday school—R won the bowling game in his group and had  a lot of fun—I need to keep bowling in mind for a rainy day next winter.

Fun stuff—R is swimming all by himself! He’s so excited and proud and really loves it. We went over to the Karate school and watched some of a class, we’ll sign him up for July and see how that goes. He’s making good friends with a boy named Joshua from school who lives near us. We made plans to go out to a nearby farm on Friday, but Joshua was sick so we’ll try again. The farm has goats and sheep and other animals you can pet and feed. (R talks nearly every day about a wanting  a dog and we do plan to get him in the future) He’s made friends with a friend’s dog named Coconut.

We have been working on the yard, planting and spreading new bark. R loves to work with Scott – I took some really cute pictures of him out there with a small shovel.

So we have the last of our school classes coming up, day camp at church and a school day camp we will attend for at least one day, maybe more. Then looking forward to some lazy days!

We are playing Uno and Skip-bo almost every day and I keep meaning to get the Jenga from my mom’s house.

So there a few glimpses of our time so far as well as Facebook posts to look back on and many pictures.

The next 8 weeks of summer look pretty laid back and I welcome it— these past for months have been very full. Besides R’s arrival, the 2 teenagers at home  have very busy lives and we talk to Jessamyn (who was in Hawaii for 3 months and now in Japan) almost every day.

I have lots more to say and will try to get here more often. I so appreciate the thoughtfulness and prayers of our family and friends. We are very blessed to have the support we have.

April 2011

Adopting

I celebrated my fourteenth birthday with a candle stuck in a pineapple, picnicking by the side of the road in Mexico. We were on our way to visit an orphanage, Colonia Gurerro. I had been there once before and my parents had friends who worked there and we had sponsored various children through the years. We spent several days there, visiting the local farm workers camps where the conditions were heartbreaking, working in the kitchen, serving oatmeal and smiling across the language barrier. I went to the school and shook a tambourine during the church service. But the thing that moved my heart the most was the babies. I held as many as I could, for as long as they would let me. There was one we called the raisin baby, he was so small and wrinkled. I wanted to take them all home. I’m sure I begged my parents many times to see if we could (on this same trip I also wanted to bring home the baby monkey in a diaper with a hole cut out for his tail from the zoo, too). As I look back, I think that is where I began to think of someday helping a child in need through adoption (the desire to have a monkey somehow didn’t stay with me!).


Four years later, Scott and I met. In a very early conversation I remember saying I wanted to adopt and he said he did, too. When we married, we planned to have two kids and adopt two. We soon had three beautiful children within five years and our hands full! Adoption was still in our minds and we watched as several friends and Scott’s sister began to foster or adopt. We soaked in their stories and waited. Waiting goes hand in hand with adopting…. We waited for our little ones to get older, to move to a bigger house, to overcome some challenges including my struggles with anxiety and depression. But in my mind were all those children, often in my dreams, who simply needed what we’d been blessed with—a family.

Four years ago our youngest was ten and we moved into the bigger house. We had come to believe that, for us, adopting through the state system would be the way to go. I made the phone call for information on the classes we needed to take and there began the long process…they didn’t call me back. Several calls and messages later, I finally talked to someone and found out the next set of classes we would be available to start was four months away. We waited…

We attended an all day orientation and classes for three hours every Tuesday night for eight weeks. It was an interesting group—people like us who wanted to adopt or foster for the first time and many grandparents and even great-grandparents, aunts and uncles who were adopting a related child that they already were caring for. Lots of stories and every seemed to feel the need to tell theirs, which made some of those classes pretty long! We went through topics covering the state processes, parenting skills, trauma and abuse, and discussion with experienced adoptive parents. These children had been in foster care, often many times and the state was terminating the birth parents rights to them and looking for a permanent adoptive home. What I think our teachers conveyed very well was a balanced view of reality and hope. The children have special needs of many kinds that would challenge us, but they can also come a long way with unconditional love and patience.

We completed the classes and were giving a very thick envelope of paperwork to fill out, including writing our personal histories and parenting perspectives. Just as we got started, Scott moved to a different company and began working longer hours. He really needed to focus on his job for a while and we to wait a while before we moved any further with adopting. Two years almost passed and we learned that we would have to take the classes all over again if we didn’t get our applications in. I remember working on answering our questions in a hotel room on the way home from a trip to Mexico, and rushing the envelope over to the office the next morning to make our deadline! We had to get medical forms filled out by our Drs. and references from friends and relatives. We had to decide what ages and kinds of needs we wanted to be considered for. There were many frustrations… everything took way longer than it seems like it should have, some things we had to redo because of delays and mistakes.

We were finally assigned a case worker. She visited our home, interviewed us and our kids and began to write our homestudy, a document that summarized all our information. In our 20th anniversary last June, our homestudy was complete and we sat in an office with a big book full of children’s bulletins, ready to begin the matching process. We were to choose the ones we were interested in, based on pictures and a one page description. We had decided to look at single boys or sibling sets of two, ranging in age from 2-7, feeling better suited to help with academic or behavioral needs more that medical needs . We chose several and our case worker sent our homestudy to each child’s case worker. The children’s caseworkers would chose three families for each child and then an independent committee would select the family they believed to be the best match for that child.

We found out the bulletins were a little outdated, some kids had already been adopted. Then our various workers went on medical leave and vacation, so we didn’t hear much during the summer. One worker was interested in us, but as we learned more about that particular situation we decided it wasn’t a good fit for us. In October our worker emailed us several new child bulletins and we said the initial “yes, we would be interested” to five or six of them. And we waited, wondered and lived our already full lives as a family. I often thought of how much more difficult the passing of time must be for a child who is waiting for the promise of a “forever family”.

Right before Thanksgiving , we were told we had been selected to go to the committee for a seven year old boy. We read more about him and decided to continue the process. The committee met on January tenth and we waited nervously for the phone call. They meet, listen to the child’s caseworker and counselor speak, and the worker for each family makes a presentation for that family and shares their book of photos. Then they deliberate and usually make the decision that day. It felt very odd to us that the child who would join our family would come to us in such an unusual way—based our yes and no, the appeal of a picture or description, the biases and ideas of the committee—a very unscientific process. We knew we could be a good family for many different children and just prayed a lot for a good decision to be made. I took the call and our answer was No, they had chosen another family who already had adoptive experience and a child of the same racial background. I felt very peaceful about the news, but strange that we had spent so much time answering questions and asking questions, making phone calls to the boy’s foster parents and counselor, preparing for the possibility of this specific boy and then suddenly the door closes and we will never hear anything about him again.

We were given access to the state’s new website at this point, which would make it easier to begin to look for other children. I was just starting to look, three days after the first committee decision, when I got a call from our worker—they were interested in us for a six year old boy, one of the ones we read about back in the fall! This time we knew what to expect and met with our worker to help answer questions for her presentation of our family, what about us would be a good match for him. I spent a couple hours on the phone with the boy’s foster family and his counselor and case worker. We wondered how many times we would go through this, but also felt so relieved to finally come to this point in the process! We knew when it did happen, the child would be placed with us within a couple weeks—but we didn’t know who to prepare for!

Though all this took longer than I would have imagined years ago, I was thankful for the stages of independence and maturity our kids had reached, and that we had waited until things were more settled at Scott’s work.

March 2, 2011. Committee day. A few last minute twists—one of the three families had dropped out, so there were just two of us for them to chose between. The meeting was in Klamath Falls, about four hours away—due to snowstorms and our worker breaking her arm, it was decided the 2 workers would attend by videoconference. Scott went to work and I used my nervous energy to clean the house. At 12:14 my phone rang—“Your family was chosen by the committee—Congratulations, you have a new son!” I called Scott immediately, told the kids, called the grandparents and my good friend who had praying with me so many times (this is where I got teary!) and , of course, made it Facebook official!

Before the child is told there is a seven day waiting period, during which time we are to be certified as guardian (legal adoption doesn’t happen for many months), read through every piece of paperwork about him and participate in making a plan to move him to our home. This is where we are right now. I hope to be talking with his case worker tomorrow to find out more details. We will be travelling and meeting with his foster family, counselor and school—and meeting our son for the first time! My mind is full of questions and I can’t imagine what it will be like for him or us! He knows he is going to be adopted and the day he will be told about us and see our picture book is next Wednesday, his seventh birthday.

At this point, I’m not going to put his picture or name up for general public viewing on the internet, but I can tell you a few things about him. He comes from a sadly typical background—never knew his birth father, has been back and forth to his birth mother until this fall it was determined that an adoptive placement would be better for him. He has several half-siblings, living with different people. He has been with his foster family for most of the past 3 years and they have been so good for him and he is doing really well, considering the instability of his early years. I’ve been on the phone a lot with his foster mom and believe we are talking about how to make this huge transition as smooth as possible and continue some contact with them and the guardians of his siblings. He is doing well in first grade, and is in speech therapy. He is very healthy and growing a lot lately. His racial background is African American/ Caucasian and he has a great smile (toothless at the moment!) and dimples. He likes to play outside and like all kinds of superheroes as his favorite toys and games. He wants his new family to have a big brother!

This has been a long and emotional journey and really it’s only beginning… we are so thankful for the love and support and prayers of our family and friends. Our boy will have so much to process, and parenting him will be so different than those we’ve parented from birth. I know there will be many challenges and surprises. I’m excited, nervous and peaceful at the same time, I have many questions and concerns, I want our older kids to have a good transition, too. Jessamyn is preparing to leave for her school in a month, so that’s also a big thing…not sure why it’s all happening at once, but it is and we will take one day at a time, loving our family.

What's Important

This afternoon, between us girls, we are trying to make decisions on a schedule change, trying to get help for a log-in that isn't working, making dental appointments, trying to get a banking issue that's been going on for months resolved and trying to find out where in the world a package is .... all have the potential to be really frustrating for us! While these things need to get figured out, I am trying to put them in perspective.

Life can change in a moment and I have been thinking of that all day.

Last night we woke up to the sound of firetrucks, five of them plus an ambulance, on our street. There was a fire at a house in the cul-de-sac just around the corner from us. I don't know it started or how bad it was--there are tarps around the chimney and people working there this morning. The fire trucks were here for about two hours. I hope no one was hurt and I think how life can change in a moment.

This morning I went to read a blog on my list--one I've read for a couple years after reading a book the woman has written. Today's blog post is from her husband, saying she had a sudden stroke yesterday, is in serious condition, in and out of surgery...I think she's still in her 30's and she's a runner and has young kids --not what her family would have expected when they woke up yesterday.

Then I am also reminded of Haiti today, on the anniversary of the earthquake, as I read posts and blogs from our friends who live there. Things were already so difficult, then in one moment it became unimaginably worse.

Our lives can change in moment, and and I think I don't want to waste these peaceful moments being too frustrated with the bank and the guy who can't seem to get the package mailed ..... I want to remember there may come a day when I wish this was all I was dealing with.

Looking Back, Looking Ahead

The year begins, full of newness and promise. Within a week, a day, a few hours maybe the shininess will wear off. I love new beginnings, I always have...but I know who I am and that I will never live up to all the intentions I have. Over the years I  have found a lot more grace, I'm a lot more comfortable with myself and my life not being perfect. It goes by fast and I am finding more joy a long the way.

My word for the year is Growth. I want to grow in many ways, to continue to learn and change. Growth in  nature occurs in many ways-- flowers and berries burst suddenly with the seasons, a tree trunk grows slowly over the years, bulbs wait quietly underground--everything has it's time and rhythm, and usually won't survive being forced. The process is beautiful, not just the end result. Drenching rain and warming  sun are both essential. My prayer, for myself and my family, is that this year  that we will grow in grace and find beauty in some way every day this year.

Something for my neglected blog

So I got my blog moved and then never wrote anything. Since I'm being lazy after a late night, I thougt I'd do one of these little quizzes I never do.

One Word Answers:

1. Where is your cell phone? purse
2. Your significant other? funny
3. Your hair? morning
4. Your mother?inspiring
5. Your father? loving
6. Your favorite thing? family
7. Your dream last night? surprising
8. Your favorite drink? tea
9. Your dream/goal? adopt
10. What room you are in? living
11. Your hobby? creating
12. Your fear? illness
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? here
14. Where were you last night? dance
16. Muffins? love
17. Wish list item? travel
18. Where you grew up? Canada
19. Last thing you did? breakfast
20. What are you wearing? hoodie
21. Your TV? new
22. Your pets?good-bye
23. Friends? best.
24. Your life? blessed
25. Your mood? happy
26. Missing some one?Joanna
27. Car? "Peppermint".
28. Something you're not wearing? socks
29. Your favorite store? hmmm...
30. Your favorite color? red
33. When is the last time you laughed? today
34. Last time you cried? Monday 35. Who will resend this? none
36. One place that I go to over and over? Homesource
37. One person who emails me regularly? friend
38. My favorite place to eat? Thai.
39Why you participated in this survey? lazy
40.What are you doing tonight? sleeping

New Year's Day

view from my our back door on a rare snowy day


Happy New Year 2009!

Hello to anyone who reads this-yes, I've been a long time since I've written! i am planning on getting back to it, but in order to simplify things for now, i am only planning on posting new writing on my other blog. http://homeschoolblogger.com/MintFlower I have found this site easier to use for posting pictures, etc, but have found more of a "community" of bloggers at Homeschoolblogger who i relate to because home schooling. I still plan on writing the same kinds fo things( not just school stuff) , just keeping all at one place instead of 2. i hope you will find me there, and leave comments and maybe start a blog of your own if you don't have one yet--I hope to write more soon. Thanks for reading!

Alyssa

Big Weekend

Peace ~ Ballet

Jessamyn ~ Jazz

Jessamyn ~ Hip Hop

Gabriel won a gold medal at the Chess Tournament

The kids all enjoyed a big weekend. The girls had 2 dance recitals each and Gabriel competed in a Chess Tournament-- fortunately, they were both held at the same high school near where we live, so I could go back and forth. It was busy, but lots of fun and we got to see the results of their hard work this year.

Mother's Day Sweetness

Peace gave me a mother's day gift of a certificate to a day of being taken care of by her. She is such a thoughtful girl and I can see how it makes her happpy to care for people. She borrowed a little brass bell from Grama that I was to ring if I needed anything . I was to spend the day relaxing!

She had planned 3 meals (she did this for my birthday last year also) and put them together with a little help. A parfait for breakfast -granola, yogurt and strawberries (everybody loves a parfait) Lunch was a quesadilla and salsa, and dinner was pasta with pesto and salad and a choice of chicken we had leftover or tofu with her own secret spice blend. She's the only 8 yr. old i know who loves to cook (and eat tofu) and who has business cards for giving back massages! She collapsed after dinner because she was "so exhausted" from all that hard work. I am blessed by her sweetness and pleased to see how she was responsible and organized to do this for me.

It was a nice Mother's day today and also on Sunday. It was good to have my own mom home after her trip and see her enjoy her kitchen makeover. Scott and I took a walk in the morning and found this lot where they had torn down an old house and we picked all these irises and other flowers and I came home with this huge "bride" bouquet. I'm glad to be a mom, there's nothing better.

I think I'll ring the bell f0r a massage now...

Spring 2006

Here are a few pictures of what we've been doing this spring:

Making vegetable (Star Wars) people

Gabriel turns 11

Jessamyn goes to a St. Patrick's day Dance

The flowers are blooming

Peace is a Dryad for Narnia Night

Training hard in Karate

Easter Morning

Peace sews a pillowcase using the machine for the first time

Luxuriant Lounging

I have long had a goal to practice more of what my sister calls Luxuriant Lounging—deliberate laziness. This past weekend I got to do just that. Scott had given me the Christmas gift of a day at the spa and a hotel room downtown in which to recover from my day at the spa without the activity and noise of the kids. I decided to combine this with a night out with him and finally got it all planned for this past weekend.


I started the day with a water aerobics class and soak in the hot tub at the gym. I did a little shopping and took my time. I met up with Gloria (originator and huge supporter of Luxuriant Lounging) at her house where she fed me a deluxe brunch and we were off for more shopping (chocolate in more than one kind at Trader Joe’s)

Then I arrived at the spa where they pampered me with calming teas and lemon water and the smells and sounds that made me feel like my world was really far away. I had a Body Polish treatment, a candlelit shower, a facial, a foot soak, and a massage. When I walked out I felt so relaxed and light and glowing (and a little greasy from all those layers of oils.)


I met Scott for dinner at the Oregon Electric Station, which is a restaurant built in a historic train station and you dine in a train car. I’d only ever actually had dinner there once before and it was so so good.


We got checked into the hotel and then across the courtyard to the Hult Center for the ballet. This was a collaboration of one of our favorite bands, Pink Martini and dance to their music. It was amazing and a great finish to a great day.


So, I did lounge and luxuriate and radiate and I’m thankful for my husband (who’s always a great gift giver) and had to do the travel that earned him the hotel stay points; everyone else—Papa for watching the kids (they were thrilled that you didn’t make them eat salad like mom amd Grama do) Josh for the gift certificate for dinner, and those wonderful women in my life who were excited for me and know much good a little lounging can do for the body and soul!

Afternoon

Thursdays this term are busy from morning to night. The kids all seemed draggy and headachey and so I let them stay home from karate. It was so leisurely and made me think—

Is my life so complicated that it takes phone calls to 5 different people when I rearrange my plans? ( call in sick, cancel my walk with Gloria, tell one friend I can’t drive her son, tell another she doesn’t need to drive my daughter, tell another my son may be revived in time for chess and I’ll call her again in an hour or two)

So I LINGERED over my salad., talking silliness with the kids (who aren’t acting all that sick). I MEANDERED outside and LOUNGED in the melty warm sun while Scott worked on the sprinklers. I ENJOYED watching the butterflies on my flowers. I didn’t look at the clock or say “hurry” or “do you have your water bottles?” I PONDERED on how I should spend my stolen three hours—on the computer, reading, getting a project done? I PLAYED another game of chess with Gabriel (that didn’t take long because I’m not very good!) I finally WANDERED back here to the computer so I could write.

Is this why kids play hooky and people call in sick when they’re not? Time that’s suddenly come unplanned is a gift, even if it feels a little stolen. Time to DO NOTHING feels a little weird and makes me restless, but it’s a good thing. My flowers are growing fast and so are my kids and in a lot of ways, I am too. I want to be more comfortable with BEING STILL. Oh, now I only have an hour left……

Sunday Lunch

Most Sundays our big family gets together for lunch. We eat, we talk, we read the paper, hold the babies, play games, maybe eat some more. I guess it’s a tradition our kids will grow up remembering. I often have a sense of “this is as life was meant to be”. Breaking bread, sharing our homes and food, an abundance of flavors and laughter and chaos and togetherness. Pots of steaming soup and homemade bread, burritos, ice cream, gourmet coffee and herbal tea, and everyone has their “Famous” dishes-- Papa’s famous bean soup and carnitas , the fruit salad queen (me) Beca’s cakes and curries, Gloria’s tofu scramble, and anything mom makes is famous and enough to make anyone veer off their diet! I The littlest kid gets the high chair that was originally mine when I was 2 or 3. It’s when we wish our brothers were here and Dad looks around that table at our growing family and gets teary. It’s just a really great part of the week and it doesn’t feel right to miss it.

Today was so sunny and Scott’s been wanting to BBQ, so we had everyone over for Sunday Lunch here. Mom’s out of town, so we had to pull this one off by ourselves. When I got back with groceries, we put on some music and we all pitched in to get the house and the food ready. It’s nice to have the kids big enough to help. Peace made no-bake cheesecake and Gabriel made a platter for vegetables and dip all by himself. It was a nice day and I was appreciating all that we’ve been blessed with and how good it is to share our meals and our time and our lives. The only thing that would have made it better was if Mom was here, and Jacob and Jackie and Joseph and Josh and Annie…..

Having people over is something that for one reason or another, we haven’t done a lot of over that last couple years and I’d really like to do more of this year.

Boxes of Papers

I spent a couple hours going through 2 boxes of papers yesterday. This was a very random assortment of stuff—calendars I saved because they have cute things the kids said scribbled on them, or their heights and weights at a certain age, old journals of mine, a few sweet letters and cards from my husband, lots of stuff I no longer needed and there were pictures the kids had drawn. Seeing the kids drawing was so cute and finding little things they’re said like—

“I want Jesus to give me a guitar, no three guitars and He can get more.”

“Here’s a picture of Daddy with a pear and another pear and an apple and a banana and a pizza and a bagel…”

“Mommy told me we are going to have a new baby. I hope it’s a girl. Babies are such a cute little nature”

“Every girl I see is a beautiful graceful angel floating above heaven,
And boys are handsome
Very Much
And I love them even if they’re rude”

So that’s always fun and nostalgic to go through and we had some good laughs. I took 2 trash bags of paper to the recycling. Not sure why I saved some of that stuff! I guess now with the internet I don’t have to rip recipes and craft ideas our of magazines with the intention of using them someday.

I realized that a season of life with little kids has passed. I’m handing down my “preschool ideas” to my sister. We heard yesterday that the boys we wanted to adopt will most likely be going to a relative who can take all four. I was disappointed for us, but it sounds good for them and we’ll see what the future has for us in that way. In the mean time I intend to fully enjoy this “big kid” season.
There’s a part of looking back over the past that is so bittersweet. I read my journals and see how different I was, but how the same I still am. I pile up all these ideas that I just never did, articles I never read, recipes I never made, inspirations I never put into practice. I think of that quote’ life is what happens while you’re making other plans’. Oh the many times I have resolved to do better, the expectations I have had. I can see those “failings” piled up like papers on the floor and be discouraged, but then I stop and think of life as it really has been and the pile of “joys”,the precious times, the grace of God and the love in our family and its so much bigger. I’m ok with not having “done everything” if I’ve traded that for building relationships and the things that can’t be measured.

Catching Up

It’s almost the end of April. I haven’t written in my blog in a month. I actually have a blog on 2 sites now and have just been putting off writing because it was feeling complicated, esp. to post pictures. But I would rather just jot down a few sentences now and then than never get to it because it’s too time consuming to make it perfect.

So what’s going on with us?

Spring has been rainy so far, but the past few days we’ve had some beautiful sun. Our flower bed is bursting with new color every day, as perennials return and we’ve added a few new things. Lots of blue this year.

We’re getting to that time of the year that we are close to finishing some subjects and the kids are counting the days. It’s been a busy year with of outside activities, but I feel like our home school time has been smooth and the kids are all taking initiative to get their work done when they’re supposed to. For the first time in years I feel like we’re gaining ground with some organizing and routines as we all pitch in together. It becoamesa lot less overwhelming.

Jessamyn moved to the brown belt class in Karate and has just one test before she tests for black belt. She went to an American Civil War dance last night and had a fun time learning some dances from that era. She’s knitting her 2nd sweater, a baby elf sweater for Poppy.

Gabriel has his green belt with a black stripe and is going to chess twice a week. He loves it and is going to a tournament at a local school in a few weeks. He’s made friends with a couple boys down the street and that’s been fun for him.

Peace went to roller skating yesterday. She’s the only one who seems to find that fun at this point. She’s reading huge books and helping in the garden. She and Jessamyn are both excited about their dance recitals coming up in May.

On Thursday nights I’ve been going to a mosaic class, which is really interesting. I feel good to have some creative things going, as well as going swimming for exercise more. Mosaic is fun because you get to SMASH stuff! Take the broken pieces and make something more unique and beautiful, there’s a very spiritual parallel there. While I’m at class, Scott and the kids have been brainstorming ideas and have a basic plot for a novel. The kids are always starting stories, so we want to help them finish them. I went to a writer’s workshop and that was inspiring to get them developing their writing more.

So, in the middle of this we are starting the process to adopt 2 little boys! We have always wanted to do this and maybe these are the ones. Scott’s sister has been a foster mother to them for 2 years and we spent some time with them on visits. They are precious and we’re all excited and hopeful (cautiously hopeful because these things can take time and go all sorts of directions) and trying to make plans. We need lots of prayer—it would really change our lives!

Well, that sort of captures what our family’s been up to. I really want to get more thoughts up here more often.

Spring Cleaning (kind of)

It's the first day of spring break but you'd think it was Christmas-- from the living room, i am hearing the happy sounds of a harmonica, and "look at this!" and "hey look at all these i have !" the sound of legos being piled and the occasional"I get this". No, Christmas did not come early (or late) and UPS has not come to the door-- I found a box in the garage that was full of junk we never sorted through last time we did a thourough cleaning on Gabriel's room! A wonderful and scary assortment of a busy boy's junk-- Legos, dozens of rubber bands, coins, sharp rocks duct taped to sticks to make arrows, a barrel of monkeys not in the barrel anymore. dried up markers, marbles, coins form a few different counties, magnets with paper clips and nails stuck to them.... tell me we're not the only ones, please!!! But a very fun way for the kids to pass the afternoon (if we were really studioous we could pretend it's an archeological dig) so, there's part of me that says I don't want to clean their rooms using this method anymore (the stash and dash) but on the other hand, here we have a whole afternoon of thrills and amusement 6 months later.

Gabriel's Birthday Today

Chess cake by Aunt Beca


Gabriel turns 11 today! We already had a family party and will be having a friend party in a few days. (Birthdays in this family seem to turn into week-long extravaganzas!) But today is his real birthday and I just want us to relax and enjoy the day. We started with our “traditional” breakfast of crepes with berries and whipped cream and chocolate sauce, read out loud from Eldest, the dragon story that’s getting really exciting. Now the kids are doing their jobs and setting up for a game of Clue, as well as continuing Heroscape, Gabriel’s new favorite game. I hope to get them outdoors for a walk later. Gabriel can bring his new pocket knife and cut up the sticks he collects!


Early spring is such a sweet time to have a baby, all that waiting through the winter and it rained all week, but the day he was born the sun shone, everything sparkled in the light and we were so glad to have our son in our arms. He’s everything we could want in a boy—boundless energy, imagination, curiosity, and affection. He says it feels like he’s been 10 for a whole year now! The days go by slow sometimes but the years go by fast. The kids have been reminiscing a lot lately about when they were little, which must mean they are feeling grown up. And as Gabriel says, he doesn’t really want to grow up, but he does look forward to all the exciting ideas he wants to do. He wants to be a stay at home dad to lots and lots of children, like 40! He’s a boy who knows strongly what he likes—art. writing, building, outdoors, chess, fantasy stories and games, martial arts, reading, the ocean, computer, and being silly with his family. It has been and will be fascinating to watch him develop his interests and personality as he’s becoming an young man. My prayer for him is that he will know when to be strong and when to be gentle with his words and actions and that he will always pursue the path God has for him with a whole heart.


I love you so much, Gabriel. I always tell you that you are the best boy I could imagine. I love your liveliness and the way you love me. I hope this is your best year ever!

A Mama's Hands

Yesterday Gabriel said to me,
“Mom, I love your hands, they never change”.
I said,
“That’s because they’re the hands that have cared for you your whole life.”

That was so sweet to me. We talked about how much his hands are growing and how much more they’ll keep growing. I love my children, they’re my Happy Thoughts!

Then I was remembering how much I loved my mom’s soft hands and playing with her wedding ring during church when I was a kid. She's nurtured us and loved us with those hands our whole lives. As I went to title this “Mama’s Hands’, thinking only about Gabriel’s comment, the timing was ironic because my mom injured one of her hands the other day and has been really sick with an infection in it. This is probably the longest we can remember her needing care and not being the one taking care of everyone else. As bad as we have felt for her though, we don’t mind caring for her a bit—it could never compare to the years of her caring for us—holding our hands, cooking, cleaning, everything.

As I grow older and my hands get more wrinkly I don’t want to be bothered by it, I just want to remember, these are the hands that my children love. Now if I could just come to terms with going gray… maybe that will be my next topic!

Rebeca read this and just sent me this beautiful picture of our mom's hands. (photo taken by Erik)

Knitting

I just started my first knitting project. Jessamyn has been making beautiful scarves for a couple years and I decided to join her in a class this term. It’s been fun and a learning experience ( I don’t like getting it wrong, I want it to be perfect on the first try, I want the end result without the practice…) Knitting, like life, goes much better if I relax my shoulders and take a breath once in a while, and like a good habit, soon becomes automatic and I can do it without thinking.

It’s been unexpectedly fun to be doing it in a class. The teacher has been so encouraging and it’s inspiring to see how everyone’s projects are going each week. Moms and girls together , both learning and teaching, as it used to be when people had quilting bees, etc. We’ve gotten to know our neighbors from down the street, as well as meeting up again with a family we hadn’t seen for years. I think I’ll miss it when it’s over.

And all that gorgeous yarn they have now—it’s so hard to choose! I guess I’ll have to keep finding projects when this one is done.

Gloria's Wedding

Gloria and Okon’s wedding (from my view as Big Sister and Coordinator of Glamour)


The wedding was so Beautiful. Gloria was glowing beautiful and it was beautiful how so many family members and friends go to be involved in making the day special from start to finish. Lots of work, but it made it really special and meaningful to all of us. Our mom made Gloria’s dress and veil and worked hard to get a custom fit and the design even evolved as she went. All us girls got to join Gloria on shopping trips (yeah Christmas clearance!) and every time we got together we were updating her on the perfect candle holders we got at the goodwill, or the sugar calla lilies Beca found for the cake, the hunt for more Michael’s coupons, lace and cranberries. We soon realized a small wedding doesn’t necessarily mean a simple one, but then again, who in our family has ever kept anything simple (ok, maybe Dad, once when we let him). At our house, we took Gloria’s decorating ideas and for a couple weeks, we had tulle and lights and cranberries in glasses and candles all “practicing” around our house(my kids are creative, but opinionated!) we got free samples whenever Beca tested a new cake (3 decadent flavors-chocolate-hazelnut, lemon and chai) and Peace was thrilled to spend a morning as cake helper. Then whirlwind picked up pace when the 3 J’s arrived form Alaska—more shopping and a fun shower for Gloria, all fueled by coffee and chocolate, of course Jacob and Dad labored over carnitas and enchiladas (the best) for the Mexican dinner. Gabriel painted a painting that we turned in to a card. That was special because he loves to paint with Gloria. Peace also got to help Gloria make favors and Gloria was remembering how she had done that with me for my wedding when she was Peace’s age. So we all got as ready as we could and the big day arrived, the first non-rainy day in a long time. We shared a breakfast and presentaion of gifts (evolution of the toolbox) and words of encouragement and blessing. Then it was a rush of activity, Beca had the most beautiful cake ever to assemble, we needed to create a breathtaking atmosphere in the cottage (thankful for the women who beautified and the men who engineered the lights, etc) and there were 3 year olds needing naps and everyone needing showers and mirrors….


Between our family and Okon’s and friends we pulled it all together by 3:00, candles lit along the fireplace, lights all around and overhead, quiet music by Margaret and Natalie, a very handsome groom… and then we waited.. and waited… ( well, she had said it would be her Moment of Drama) and waited, then there they were, teary parents, beaming Gloria, with her Spanish lace veil and bouquet of dark callas and peacock feathers. And the wedding began. It was short and simple. I like when people write their own vows. Everyone cheered as they had the first kiss as husband and wife and then they went off to take pictures by the river (great photos by Erik) and the rest of us made coffee , set tables, heated up dinner and visited, and took family pictures. The dinner was delicious—how can you beat home cooked by the 2 families? The atmosphere was so magically pretty, and they looked so happy. There were toasts (especially meaningful was hearing Okon talk about when he met Gloria and also what his sister said about our two families) and laughter and celebration and kisses and gifts and CAKE.

When it was time for them to leave, we lined up on each side of the side walk and help up lit sparklers for them to walk through (Scott was in his element as head of pyrotechnics) and we sent them on their way (in their “glass slipper” with Just Married sign by Jessamyn in the back window and baskets of goodies for feasting on their honeymoon) We started cleaning up and though we were tired, the feeling of celebration continues with dancing ( Okon’s taught the girls the Electric Slide) Gabriel drove JoJo around on the cart and we blew out the candles.

It was emotional for me. I remember when Gloria was born. I remember helping pick her name and how the northern lights danced for her that night. I remember her love of purple and changing her clothes fifty times a day and her homemade cabbage patch doll and her being a wild and strong little girl in her white nightgown and her long hair. I remember braiding her hair and creating some great 80’s choreography with her! How she thought I was just too lucky to be real and she was my great excuse –to watch her instead of sitting in church or gardening or (Lord help us) cutting up a deer. I hope that as she starts her family, time will only bring all of us sisters even closer.

It was a special day for everyone and I think we’re all glad to have been a part of it. It was really a beautiful , perfect day and I love my sister and welcome Okon to our family and wish them a long and happy life together!

pictures by Erik Groomer 2-5-06